The news of the break up between Peter Andre and his wife might have come as a shock to many, especially as they seemed to have been blessed with it all. Lots of Money, fame, good health and kids, adulation, good looks and the lot. But it must have come as a surprise when Peter Andre cited the lack of sex as one of his reasons for filing for divorce. It was all the more surprising as whenever the couple were interviewed, the discussion always led back to one topic. Sex.  Peter is said to have gone without sex for four months. Is there anything that he, his wife or together as a couple they could have done to bring the spice back into their lives?

·         Cut down on the alcohol: While a bit of alcohol can cause you to loosen up and remove inhibitions, too much is known to decrease sexual drive. Even Peter Andre speaking on his split from Jordan admitted that much. “I’m not jealous of anybody until Katie is drunk. It makes our relationship vulnerable. From the moment she starts drinking I lose her and I don‘t get her back until the next morning. The devil gets inside her and she’s a nightmare. I trust her when she’s sober but I don’t trust her when she’s drinking.” 

·         Reduce the Stress: Stress can have an adverse effect on sex. When stressed, two hormones are released by the body (Cortisol and Adrenaline) to create the fight or flight reaction needed to deal with the threat. When produced over a prolonged period, the body enters chronic stress mode leading to an inability to orgasm. With her hectic life in front of the cameras constantly being filmed for her upcoming reality show,  training and competing in dressage events and not forgetting her modelling career, it is no wonder she didn’t feel up to it.

·         Trauma Counselling: Previous traumatic experiences could affect a person’s lifestyle becoming promiscuous or withdrawn in effort to try to regain some control over the event. In an interview with Piers Morgan, Jordan revealed that she was allegedly sexually assaulted at the age of six! She claimed ’some weirdo’ in a park exposed himself to her. Trying to be brave, she claimed during the interview “Well, it’s never affected me” but fighting back tears she admits ‘But obviously it must have done, for me to just feel like that. But I don’t know. You just learn to get on with things, don’t you?’

·         Quit arguing: Pent up anger can lead to resentment and if taken to bed, can lead to a loss of sexual urges. The arguments between Peter and Jordan have now become legendary. It was a constant battle with Peter admitting “We don’t realise how much we argue until we watch it back — then we argue about the argument.” These arguments could also lower the attraction level between couples and lead to a loss of sex drive. Hormones are released during an argument including Cortisol and as we have seen earlier, this hormone plays havoc with libido.

Treatments for loss of sex drive will depend on the underlying cause but it needs the support of a partner to cope with. It is a catch 22 situation in that it can lead to stress and arguments which in turn can worsen the problem. Communication, seeking medical help, exercising to boost one’s self esteem and little acts of intimacy like kissing your partner before going out as well as role playing and fantasising can help to get that spark back.

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Women often wonder why guys who seem so into them all of a sudden seem distant and a once promising relationship with sparks flying all around gradually fizzles out. Well here is one man’s viewpoint…NB. I don’t pretend to speak for all men…just most…

Different life stages:

Women on the whole tend to mature quicker than guys. We also have a different set of priorities or shall I say, our priorities are set in a different order. While you want to settle down and have some time together before starting a family, he still wants to play the field. He doesn’t have a biological clock ticking you see, and believes he has all the time in the world.
“Every time I brought up the topic of us putting down a deposit on our own property says Liz, Matt* always seemed to have one reason or another not to. I didn’t want him to feel I was pressuring him into getting married but I also wanted some sign of commitment. Yet he always seemed to have enough money for a night out with the lads. I thought I was being accommodating by not pushing the issue, but to my utter surprise, when I tried raising the topic again with him informally, he told me he just couldn’t see us settling down together anytime soon as he still wanted to have fun. From that moment on, it was only a matter of time before the ‘I think this isn’t working phase’ and eventually, the relationship just fizzled out.”

Trying too hard to please:

Sometimes, some women are just too nice. They go over to their boyfriends house, cook, clean and basically wait on him hand and foot. They think this will make him appreciate them more. Wrong! A guy wants a partner not a doormat. There is absolutely no fun in knowing that your every whim WILL be catered to just like that. Guys need a challenge. They need to know they have a girl whose opinions they can trust, not just some ‘yes’ girl. A ‘yes’ girl reeks of a lack of confidence and a lack of confidence is very unattractive.

“One of the reasons I broke up with my ex was that the relationship had just gone stale” says Roberto*. “She was just always there for me. I know I sound cold and ungrateful but I just didn’t think she had a mind of her own and was worried that when we needed to make a big decision in the future she wouldn’t come up with a different point of view and would just agree to anything I said, regardless of how ridiculous!”

Nagging:

Guys are almost universal in agreement that this is one thing women do (though women would probably disagree) that drives men nuts. Women have this capability to go on and on about basically anything a guy might or might not have done thinking it will change him. Well take it from someone who knows, nagging just doesn’t work. Hoping that he will leave the toilet seat down just because you’ve said it a thousand times doesn’t mean he’ll do it the next time he visits the toilet. Guys have this innate capability to ‘switch off’ when the nagging starts. Women for their part argue if guys did the right things to start with, then there would be no need to ‘remind’ them.

Says Paul, “I work long hours and sometimes, I go online. Just to keep in touch with friends and family. I’m the first to admit that on occasion, maybe I did spend too much time online, but there was no need for Sara to go on like she did anytime I went near a computer. “Paul, you’re not going online again are you – how about fixing the shelf as you promised?”  A pause, “Paul, you said you’d only be checking your emails. You’ve been at the computer the last 10 minutes. The shelf won’t fix itself you know.”  Another few minutes later, “Paul, what about the shelf?  It’s still there and you’re still sitting in front of the bloody computer!  What do I have to do or say to get you to fix the shelf?  Paul, are you even listening to me?” No wonder she got dumped.

Greener Pastures:

Evolution has made most guys want to sow their wild oats far and wide in order to aid the survival of the species. Civilization however means that you think with your head. In the case of guys though, we do that with the one between our thighs. Now I know it wrong to generalize, but honestly, most guys are visual creatures. We see a woman and despite knowing next to nothing about her, we want to have our way with her. We might have an adoring woman to go back to every night it doesn’t matter. Even Ashley Cole, husband to one of Britain’s most desirable women still allegedly cheated on her.

“Every time I met an attractive babe, I wondered what it would be like to go out with her” says Adrian. “It doesn’t matter that I might be in a relationship. I focus on the disagreements we’ve had in an effort to justify me asking her out. I’ve never actually gotten round to doing it though as I realize I’m lucky to be dating my girl but I wonder what might have been if I tried, even if only once.”

Maybe he really just isn’t into you:

It is a myth that guys send mixed signals to gals. Com’on, if there’s a girl out there that we’re into, there’s no mistaking that she’d know. Some girls on the other hand just don’t seem to get the message.

“I was introduced to Donna by a mutual friend” says Nick. “Although I liked her, it wasn’t a case of love at first sight. I thought that we’d start things gradually and see where that took us. After the second date, she wanted me to meet her parents. I on the other hand was just getting to know her and frankly, I still wasn’t convinced. I was like Woah! Slow down girl! The more we saw of each other, the less I thought we could have a long lasting relationship and began to find ways to avoid her. I thought she’d understand that things just weren’t working but it seemed to just spurn her on. Eventually, I invited her back to my place and told her I thought we should call it quits. I couldn’t believe it when she burst into tears saying she thought things were going along just fine”.

If a guy doesn’t return calls or texts, especially at the beginning of a relationship then believe me girls, it just ain’t gonna happen and you might as well move on with your life and find someone who will appreciate you.

Signs he’s about to push the eject button:

·         His phone calls are becoming less frequent – Especially in a new(ish) relationship.

·         He claims he needs a bit of space. Just to think for a while before getting back together.

·         Your once sizzling sex life has turned into a damp squib.

·         You couldn’t get him out of the jumper his Nan bought for him two Christmases ago but now he reads GQ obsessively and is into D&G.

·         You just have that feeling in your gut.

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